"It's gonna be different this year."

An Easter Fable

By Charles “Apache Runner” McKelvy

The Easter Bunny turned off the nightly news and said to the missus: “It’s gonna be different this year.”

“Oh,” Mrs. Easter Bunny said.  “How so?”

“There’s gonna be a C-note in every egg for every kid whose family needs a break.  And a whole lot of families need a break this Easter.”

“Oh,” Mrs. Easter Bunny said.  “That is certainly so.  But how are you going to put a C-note in every Easter egg, Dear?”

“I’ll go to Helicopter Ben and tell him I’m the First Bank of Bunnyvale, and I’m too big to fail, and he’ll fire up his chopper and fly over the hutch and drop bales and bales of fresh C-notes on us.”

“Oh,” Mrs. Easter Bunny said.  “But who is Helicopter Ben?”

“Ben Bernanke.  He’s the Chairman of the Federal Reserve, and he has famously said he would fly over the country and drop money out of a helicopter if that’s what it would take to revive the economy.  So, I’m figuring the First Bank of Bunnyvale is entitled to a piece of the action.  Like the rest of the players on Wall Street.  What do you think?”

“Oh,” Mrs. Easter Bunny said.  “Where should we put the windsock?”

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Eastern Orthodox Lent begins on February 27.

Ash Wednesday Reflection

By Charles McKelvy

Instead of praying that we may all be one this Lent, why not get out of our comfort zones and worship at the other guy’s hall, storefront, sanctuary, mosque, synagogue, cathedral, ashram, or park bench?

Who could be hurt by that?

I saw this morning in one of my guides to spirituality that we should be making “earnest efforts at peacemaking throughout the world” this Lent.

Good orderly suggestion.

So how about darkening the door of the other guy’s place of worship once in a while?

Step out of the old comfort zone and sing some new songs and sit when we’re used to kneeling or just talk to God from a slightly different place on the planet.

God is big enough to hear us no matter where we are.

And maybe if we’re with those we don’t really understand or particularly care for, then maybe, just maybe, God will take all of our pious Lenten mumbo-jumbo seriously this time around.

Amen.

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Prayer is a journey not a destination. Slow down for Pete's sake!

Good Orderly Direction

By Charles McKelvy

So there I am driving my mother to church on Sunday morning when this guy in a tan van comes screaming up behind us like he’s going to put out a hospital fire or something.

He appears out of nowhere, glues himself to our bumper and then heaves over to the passing lane when he finally realizes I’m not going to go him any faster, and he’s ready to punch into hyperspace when a member of the local constabulary comes cruising along in the opposite direction.  Our friend in the tan van, who appears to have a woman and child (or two) riding along with him, hits the brakes and drives all nice until the policeman is safely out of view.

Then he hits the gas and is gone.

And I’m just wondering where anyone would go in such a hurry on a Sunday morning when I creep up on him and see that he’s turning into a church parking lot.

Oh yeah, he was speeding to church.

Like God wasn’t going to wait for him.

Like it was maybe okay to maybe run some slowpoke off the road so he could get to the church of his choice in time for God to hear his humble petitions.

Hey, whatever floats your boat and rings your bells.

I just thought it was a might, well, hypocritical for someone to practically cause a two-car pile-up in order to get to church on time.

But then I had caught part of the Car Talk radio show on Saturday in which a woman complained to Tommy and Ray that her husband, the meditation guru, had the nasty habit of tailgating slower drivers and flashing his lights at them.

A total disconnect, right?

Well, guess what?

We’re supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves even when our neighbors are behind the wheels of other cars.

Even when it’s our own stupid fault that we’re late for church.

We don’t need to speed to church.

We don’t need to tailgate.

And we don’t need to keep God waiting, because God’s always ready to listen, even when we’re five minutes out from the church parking lot.

Chill people.

And I’ll chill too now that I’ve stopped giving that guy free rent in my head.

Amen and all that!

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