The Letter Carrier
by Charles McKelvy
“You can’t just sit around the house all day doing nothing. You’ve got to get active. Be productive. Be—“
“But I’m retired. I’m officially old and worthless. I’m past prime. Out to pasture. I’m nobody nobody sent. I’m—“
“ENOUGH!!!! Get a part-time job at a box store as a greeter. Get a hobby. Learn to play the guitar. Take an adult ed class. Get active. Do something. Anything.”
The beleaguered old guy considered his wife for a long time, and then he left home without another word.
And when he returned three hours later, he had a brand-new, shiny-red bicycle in the back of his pick-up truck.
“My new job, hobby, and adult ed class,” he said.
“I’m going to be a letter carrier. Everybody around here drives to the post office, so I’m going to ride around on my new bike and tell them that I can take their mail to the post office, and maybe pick up their mail too if I can work that out, which, I think I can. Anyway, it’ll be good for the environment, and I’ll get a good work-out, and—“
“What are you going to charge?”
That’s right—nothing. But I’ll get plenty in return.”
“Like I’ll get out of the house and get some exercise, and I’ll get plenty of vitamin D from the sun and social contact and—“
And, try as she might, the wife couldn’t argue with that.